The Nerdy Type:
I’ve accepted the fact that I was left-brained. There’s no denying it. However, 95% of my life I believed that left-brained solely meant that I was only allowed to be good at math and science. I spent all of my primary and secondary education in advance math and science classes because, quite frankly, that’s all I allowed myself to believe that I was good at.
I highly believe I was had higher pressure to nurture that analytical side of my brain given the fact that the female proportion of STEM (Science, Technology, Engineering and Math) students is a lot lower than that of males. My parents and teachers did everything they could to ensure I stuck with it. And that is how I ended up at an all engineering school, thinking it was what I wanted and where I needed to be.
My “Royal Failure:”
Unfortunately for me, I thought I needed to follow a path that was concrete, secure, and fiscally responsible. In my head (at the ripe age of 18 when I obviously know everything), event coordination was irresponsible and foolish. This was why I committed to Colorado School of Mines where I would major in Petroleum Engineering. Even to this day, I have no clue why I chose Petroleum. I had a scholarship and it was one of the few majors that I thought I understood.
I failed my first calc 3 test and dropped the class. I still think my chemistry professor pitied me and lied about me “passing” the final. On New Year’s Eve I had a complete mental breakdown and told my dad I was dropping out of Mines. Mind you, classes started again in a week and a half. I felt like I’d wasted my time that I’d let down my father who had dreamed of his daughter following his footsteps into engineering.
Long Road to Realization:
When I enrolled at CU Boulder I was adamant that I would still find a “responsible major” which is why I ultimately went into Accounting and Finance. I had every intention working with a Big 4 accounting firm and following through on the expectations that other people had for me. During the summer I would spend all my free time deciding how to re-design my bedroom at school. Around the holidays, I was the first to be asked to decorate for family dinners and parties. But that was all the time I was investing into design.
Last November I got one of the few emails my brother was able to send while on his mission trip. He told me it wasn’t worth my time and energy to go into a field that I had no desire for. He said I was be an idiot to ignore my eye for design and love for event coordination for the rest of my life. After I got over the fact that my younger brother was now far wiser than me, I stayed up till 3am looking into how I could make my dream a reality.
Side note: if you have a chance, check out Tara Guérard’s blog. She’s created an small empire and she has been an absolute idol of mine since day one.
All Aloney on My Owny:
I still love calculus and physics. To quote Mean Girls (xoxo I love this movie), math is beautiful “because it’s the same in every country.” But, while I still love it, I can recognize it needs to play a different role in my life. I’ve used that knowledge to help design some of the coolest floral installations for weddings. And my left-brained personality is still hard at work finding inefficiencies in the planning and execution process, but we’re trying to find some more wiggle room for my new found right-brained personality.
So here I am today. I am away from family, friends, and the home I’ve known for 13 years. I’m in a new city all on my own. I’m embarking on a path, that for the first time, makes zero sense to me and I have no clue how it’s going to end up. Yet at the same time, I’m 21 and I am one tax form away from having my own small business. I have a talent and curiosity that is growing by the day and I don’t see that ending anytime soon.