Growing up I had always felt pretty comfortable with myself. I had amazing friends that always supported me and never made me question my self worth or purpose. I had a boyfriend all of high school that also really helped shape my view of self-worth, especially at a time when people struggle the most with this. Of course there were times when I would feel disconnected, disengaged and overwhelmingly vulnerable, but for the most part, I was generally confident and I feel extremely lucky for that.
I always knew I wanted to go to college out state. I had the opportunity to do so, and staying in Oregon was never a realistic option in my mind. Although my senior year was my favorite year of high school, it was also the most difficult in many ways. Realizing that I was going to graduate, move away from my home and my friends, and start a completely new life was an exciting, but daunting idea. Being one of the most indecisive people you’ll ever meet, it wasn’t a surprise that I had an extremely hard time choosing the “right” college. I applied to ten big state schools and narrowed it down to CU Boulder and UW Madison. I had strong reasons that pulled me in both directions which made my decision process almost impossible. I ended up not being able to choose one over the other, so I decided to go to neither! Reluctantly, on decision day I decided to go to University of San Diego. All summer I felt unsure that I had made the right decision, because my mind was so set on a big, state school, and USD is the complete opposite. I think the whole idea of living in San Diego is what got me through the summer with a little bit of excitement to start college. After moving, my worries about going to a small, private school were confirmed immediately. I regretted my decision from the day I moved into my dorm. I ended up staying my entire freshman year, and I’ll admit that I had a great year. I ended up meeting a ton of really cool people that I still keep in touch with. I decided to make the most of being in such an awesome city, so I did a lot of exploring. I was able to go to Joshua Tree, LA, Coachella, all of the beaches in Southern California, and by the end of the year I felt like I knew San Diego by the back of my hand. It was bittersweet leaving San Diego, but I was so excited to start my new adventure in Colorado.
Moving to San Diego was a huge decision that tested my vulnerability. However, transferring to CU Boulder was an even larger move of uncertainty. Coming in as a sophomore was definitely risk, and there was absolutely no guarantee that I would like it better than San Diego. Freshmen year is so important to create friendships and find a routine. I was so nervous that I would feel out of place, because everyone already knows each other. I felt that I had really settled into my school in San Diego, and now I was going to start all over again. Luckily, one of my friends from USD was transferring to CU Boulder as well, and so we found an apartment on 12th and College to live in together. Being roommates with her made my year much smoother, because we were going through the transition together. She is from Denver and in a sorority, so I was able to meet some of her friends right away. Also, two of my good friends from high school were here at Boulder already, so that added extra comfort for me as well.
Coming to Boulder as a transfer student put me in a very vulnerable position. I was concerned that I would feel disconnected and that would have an effect on my sense of purpose. I agree with the idea that a strong sense of courage is needed to fully embrace vulnerability, and I think my decision to transfer to Boulder was an example of that. I could not be happier with my decision to go to school here, and I truly believe that it is the right place for me to be!