Living Far From the Edge From the moment I entered high school I was already trying to decide where I wanted to go college, what I wanted to major in, what internships I wanted for that major, and what companies I wanted to work for after my college graduation. I was in my first year of high school and I was already trying to create a plan for the next eight years of my life. I was primarily focused on my academics and athletics; I surrounded myself with friends that had similar mind sets. I didn’t care about my social life; not parties, not football games, not dating. If I lived my life on a narrow path then I was able to minimize any chance of rejection rather it be from admission offices or crushes.
However, not only was the desire for structure embedded in me, but my environment also enhanced it. I went to a small private “college-prep” high school that directed all of us towards applying to and attending private universities out of state that mimicked my high school. Therefore, I only applied to private out-of-state schools, making sure first that I would get into every one that would receive my application. My friends all applied to and eventually ended up attended all out-of-state schools. I went away to Texas Christian University and the rest of my friends were scattered across the country. By spending four years focusing on college and ignoring other parts of my life and myself, I failed to see what would actually be good for me. My mom’s main concern for me when picking a school to attend was staying there for the whole for years and not transferring. However, as a result of how I spent the four years of my high school life I became an introverted girl and going to a preppy school far from home where I didn’t know anyone gave me severe social anxiety which started to have a large impact on me. Even though I knew I wasn’t happy there it gave me even more anxiety having to tell my mom that I wanted to transfer or being the only one of my high schools friends who didn’t like their school and transferred back home.
Taking a Chance I avoided my fear of facing my family and friends for a long time before confronting them about my wish to come home. Once I finally did, they all did react as I expected. My parents were disappointed that I was transferring and my friends held negative connotations about me transferring to CU. However, facing my fear head on and taking one risk led me take another. When I transferred, I immediately started looking for places to live in Boulder in attempt to start new and redesign myself. I transferred in the Spring and most people thought I was just going to live at home. Instead, I found a lease and moved in with five girls that I have never met before and soon after signed a lease for the following year to live with three other girls that I didn’t know either. Taking risk after risk, I faced my fears head on. All eight of those girls have become some of my closest friends, people that I still hang out with, keep in contact with, and even continue you to live with today. It even led me to my first relationship! My life at CU Boulder is not only extremely different than my life at TCU, but also it has improved so much.
Worth the Risk Stepping out from the shadow of my vulnerability helped me reveal so much more about myself. It rewarded me with life long friendship, courage for the future, stronger self-confidence. I am no longer the shy and soft-spoken freshman worried about getting rejected or failing. I am no longer afraid to try to make new friends. I am no longer afraid to talk in class. I am no longer afraid of what people with think. My initial risk of facing my fear of transferring schools was the enactment that keeps leading me to taking more chance, furthermore helping my grow as a person.